


This Was A Terrible Plan

by Not_So_Secretly_a_Spaceship, NotSoSecretlyAUnicorn



Series: Like Lightning [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-01-21 21:30:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1564736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_So_Secretly_a_Spaceship/pseuds/Not_So_Secretly_a_Spaceship, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoSecretlyAUnicorn/pseuds/NotSoSecretlyAUnicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joining Starfleet, in hindsight, may not have been one of Kirian's better ideas. She's surrounded by hormonal children, and her academic advisor is borderline insane. And then she gets assigned to the Enterprise: the highest concentration of crazy people Starfleet has to offer, all on one big boat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well I'm starting a new fic, while everything I am currently writing is still sort of not really going forward. Because my brain won't shut up! It's electrified.
> 
> Before we begin, first and most importantly: this is pure self gratification. I'm writing these OCs because I like them. They're going to be strong. They're going to be smart. They're going to have sass like you would not believe. They are going to be BAMFs. There's going to be Spock/Kirk. There's going to be Sulu/Chekov. There's going to be love and feels. There's definitely going to be a bit of crack. Hopefully well written crack, but some of this shit, man... some of it you might want to be drunk for.
> 
> Now that I've scared almost everyone off, I need to explain a bit of background to this. I got the Star Trek bug. I then infected my new flatmate, NotSoSecretlyAUnicorn. Her brain then caught fire and created this hilarious race with their fantastic backstory, which electrified my own brain and out popped Kirian. So now we've got these concurrent stories. Her people will appear in my fic (and a few of her ideas - just you wait), and my own will appear in hers. The race is ENTIRELY hers. Complete with the sass-on-a-stick that's almost a genetic trait in these guys.
> 
> And then I played Star Trek Online again, and that Captain and her crew are going to make an appearance, too. She's got her own story that I'm writing which will be a lot darker, and a lot shorter. At least until she appears in this.
> 
> This is also part of the unofficially titled "Vulcan Take Two: Electric Boogaloo!" series.
> 
> Disclaimer: If you recognise it, I don't own it. Or there would be sooooo much Spirk going on in canon.

When Kirian was thirteen, she looked up at  _anah_  from her astrophysics homework and said, "I want to join Starfleet."  _Anah_  pursed her lips briefly before ruffling Kirian's hair.

"We'll talk about that when you're older."

* * *

When Kirian was eighteen, she bounced home, threw open the front door, and announced to the house: "I'm going to apply to Starfleet!"

"No," said  _mama_.

"No," said  _anah_.

"No," said  _papa_.

Kirian did not speak to them for a week.

* * *

When Kirian was 23, she graduated from xenomedical with high distinction, specialising as a xeno-paramedic.

The next day she walked into the Emergency Terrestrial Services in her newly pressed medic uniform.

 _Mama_ 's smile could not be contained.

 _Anah_  cried her joy.

 _Papa_ 's eyes crinkled in the corners and looked suspiciously damp.

* * *

When Kirian was 27, she vidcalled her parents from her room on the Emergency Space Services' space station between missions.

"It's time I applied to Starfleet."

 _Mama_  smiled.  _Anah_  looked worried.  _Papa_  nodded.

"You're old enough to know what is right for you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is fresh-off-my-brain and un-beta'd. I own nothing you recognise. Yes this is a (slight) homage to Mass Effect. Which I love.
> 
> Commander Shepard now Admiral Shepard. Because sometimes I am blonde.

As it turned out, _papa_ had been a bit of a wild child in his youth and, during his travels, had met up with some 'young and upstanding Starfleet cadets'.

There was murmurings involving 'two weeks', 'booze' and 'orgy', and many amused looks shared between _mama_ and _anah_. As it turned out, the cadet _papa_ remembered most fondly just so happened to now be a Admiral at Starfleet. So _papa_ made the call to a surprised, but not unpleased, Admiral Shepard.

“And to what do I owe the pleasure of your pretty face, Platt?” He was a wry old man, and an _absolute_ silver fox. Vibrant green eyes set in a pleasingly symmetrical and masculine face, the lines around his eyes and lips adding a certain air of distinguished dignity.

Which was immediately destroyed when _papa_ batted his eyelashes coyly and replied “was there a time limit on that booty call you promised me?” After a moment of stunned silence from _both_ sides of the video, Admiral Shepard threw his head back and roared his laughter.

“Good to see some people don't change!” Kirian moaned her mortification and wondered if she could slink out of the room unnoticed. _Anah_ and _mama_ 's shared grin was almost as creepy as the thought of _papa_ corrupting innocent Starfleet cadets.

“Well, now, Shepard, I don't think I've introduced you to my lovely wives,” _papa_ continued. Shepard snorted.

“You didn't just manage to convince _one_ woman to tolerate you, but _two_? Do they have any sisters?” the Admiral's grin widened. “Or brothers.” _Anah_ laughed.

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Admiral Shepard,” _mama_ said, hands placed demurely in her lap and a fiendish twinkle in her eye. Kirian had a sudden suspicion that _papa_ hadn't been the only wild child... “And he didn't really have much choice in the matter.” Admiral Shepard's eyebrows rose.

“I like her,” the Admiral directed at _papa_ , who positively _preened_.

“In truth we sort of … well, I'm sure there were handcuffs involved. By the end of it he'd agreed to marry us,” _anah_ said. _Really_ not something one wants to know about one's parents. Even if she had heard the story before. It was _papa_ 's favourite party story – the tale of two beautiful women who spotted him on the shuttle home from his planetary adventures and talked him into marrying them.

Admiral Shepard's grin was even wider. “I've clearly got to come visit one day.”

“Well _we_ might be visiting _you_ one of these days,” _papa_ said.

“If your lovely wives are coming along for the booty call – I suppose I can give you an extension on that – I'll roll out the damn red carpet myself.” His green eyes twinkled at them over the vid comm, and Kirian was really starting to get why her _papa_ liked this guy.

She'd always been told she was her father's daughter. Maybe there was something in this genetics thing.

“We'll see when we book our trip. In the meantime, I'd like you to meet my youngest, Kirian, who's been nagging me since she was fifteen-”

“Thirteen,” _anah_ corrected.

“-since she was _thirteen_ to join Starfleet.” Kirian popped into the frame and waved. Admiral Shepard's eyebrows nearly kissed his hair.

“And you're letting her come here? You do remember what happened when one of you lot met up with some _impressionable young Starfleet cadets_ last time?”

“Well it's all a wee bit hazy during those couple of weeks, but I do remember there being a lot of pizza boxes in the aftermath,” _papa_ looked a bit sheepish.

“ _Two weeks_? Platt, it we spent a _month_ in that house. I regained lucidity two days before term started for the year.”

“Uh, well, that is to say … my daughter is a bit more responsible than me?”

“He's telling porkies, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree with this one,” _anah_ commented.

“Dear lord, do I really want your spawn on an entire _campus_ of impressionable young Starfleet cadets?” Admiral Shepard massaged his forehead with his hand, shoulders heaving with suppressed mirth.

“Course you do, Shep! Just think, _you_ would be the one to finally sign one of us up. Won't that look good? And really, she's much more sensible than I was at her age, I can't imagine she'll get into _that_ much trouble.” The Admiral's short bark of laughter devolved into fully fledged cackling.

“Oh if she's anything like you, she's going to be a pain in my arse.”

“Not a literal one, I hope,” _papa_ replied with a cackle. The Admiral's face scrunched up in the way of a man who's only just realised his double entendre and is torn between laughter and mortification. He settled for a small coughing fit before levelling his gaze at Kirian, who was now wishing the ground would open up and remove her from this room.

“Well, girl, you send me your Starfleet application direct and I'll take it from there. Have you done any tertiary level education?”

“Yes, sir, xenomedical with high distinction.”

“Well I don't think you'll have much of a challenge with the entrance examinations. My assistant will contact you about them, and she'll organise your travel and accommodation. I've got a few connections with the Academy heads, I'll see what useful things I can ruffle up. Oh, remember Pamela?”

“Pam? She was the one with the...?” _Papa_ made some peculiar gesture with his fingers.

“Yeah, her! Well she's now pretty much running the gig at the Academy, although don't let the boys hear that, they'd have caniptions.”

“I always knew she'd do great things, just not quite what I thought she'd be doing.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. Anyway I'd better head off before my two ic comes and hunts me down. I'm on the run from her. Don't ask, long story, but replicators can't make bacon like you can. Or like I can, for that matter.” Admiral Shepard's head whipped up as they heard the door chime. “Send me that application and I'll have it dealt to. Shepard out!” The comm blinked to black and _papa_ rocked back to grin at a stunned Kirian.

“Well, you did say you wanted to join Starfleet.”  


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing you recognise. I also don't own the E.S.S., the E.T.S., Buzz 7, Ozzie Kilburn or the House Alliance. That's all NotSoSecretlyAUnicorn's. 
> 
> Yes, Chambers is THAT Chambers. Although I don't think this Chambers has that outfit. 
> 
> This is hot off my brain and un-betad.

Lieutenant Commander Chambers, Admiral Shepard's 'two IC', contacted Kirian the very next day. She was a majestic woman with fiery red hair flecked with white and cold green eyes. The next academic year wouldn't begin for another two months, but given her (very) late application, she was due to sit her entrance examinations two weeks hence. This would give them enough time to grade her, and, if she was accepted, find her suitable on-campus lodging for the year.

“It's unlikely you will be required to share a dormitory,” Lieutenant Commander Chambers said dryly. “I spoke with Mr Kilburn at the House Alliance about the logistics your residence at the Academy Dormitories. He indicated to me that it would be unsuitable for you to share quarters, and that you would require a single physician for your medical care.” Bless him. Kirian made a mental note to send chocolates to Ozzie in thanks.

“Admiral Shepard has decided that your entrance to the Academy as the first of your localle will not be broadcasted. It will not be a secret but he advises a certain prudence in whom you speak to with regards to this,” Lieutenant Commander Chambers continued.

Kirian nodded solemnly. This, too, was largely expected. The Moons weren't exactly a well known destination, especially given their location.

“Mr Kilburn and I have organised your transport. A shuttle will depart from the E.S.S. Space Station at thirteen hundred in two days, and will rendezvous with the USS Republic as it passes. You will arrive at the Earth Spacedock in just over a week, where you will be met by your Academic Advisor.” Lieutenant Commander Chambers gave her a wry smile. “I look forward to meeting you in due course.”

Kirian grinned in reply. “I look forward to it myself.” The screen blinked out and she spun on her chair, slapping hands to knees and launching herself up into her tiny E.S.S. cabin.

Her family came to the station to see her off. Well, two of her seven brothers did, as well as _mama_ , _anah_ and _papa_. Tom, the eldest of them all, lifted her and spun them.

“Don't be too shocking, Trouble,” Lori said as he stepped in for his turn to play Spin The Kirian.

“And don't do anything I wouldn't do,” Tom added, patting her mussed hair as she was deposited back on her feet.

“Yeah that doesn't rule out much!” _anah_ frowned disapprovingly at her spawn.

Tom wrapped an arm around _anah_ 's waist and twirled her, dropping a smooch to the crown of her head. “Oh _mama_ , you know there's something in this genetics business.” His response was a smack to the arm.

“Have fun, don't misbehave too much, I don't want Shep calling me up to whinge about you,” _papa_ said as he took his own turn for a hug.

“Oh he knows what to expect,” _anah_ said, taking Kirian's arm and wrapping her up in a hug and smooches.

“No doubt he will call you regardless to tell you of the exploits your spawn is getting up to,” _mama_ continued, joining in the hug and giving _papa_ the Raised Eyebrow Look that said 'she's _your_ child _'._

_Papa_ sighed. Whenever the kids did something good, they were their mother's children. Whenever they did something naughty, his wives would get that _look_ and suddenly they were just _his_ children. It really wasn't fair.

When his only daughter was finally given to him, he clapped both hands on her shoulders. With all the serious and dignity of his advancing years, he said “if Shep's going to call, make sure it's about something _really_ spectacular.” Kirian grinned in response, clamping her arms around his ribs in a wheeze-inducing hug.

“I'll try to make you proud, _papa_ ,” she mumbled into his chest.

“I have no doubt you will, you are my daughter after all,” _papa_ said into her hair.

Eventually disentangling herself from her family, Kirian made her way into the shuttle bay, where Buzz 7 crouched in all its mantis-like glory. Gully, all byronic curls and broad grin, helped her into the door hatch and secured it behind her.

“Next stop, Republic!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOPS so I updated this on FF.net and not here. Sorry anyone who was reading this! I'll start catching up with the chapters and making sure I cross-post a bit more diligently!

The first time Kirian met her academic advisor, he stood her up. She'd been told they would be waiting for her when she arrived. Contrary to such assertions, the place was deserted but for a few yeomen darting around, and a gaggle of engineers chinwagging as they walked past. So there she stood, hands clasped behind her back and chin up, her small case tucked in between her feet. The joys of living on the E.S.S. station meant that she had learned to live with minimal accoutrements. When one was sharing a tiny four bunk cabin with three other people, it was best to keep clutter at a minimum.

It was some time before rushed footsteps drew her attention, and a red head tumbled, gasping, into her personal space. She raised an eyebrow when he used her shoulder as a crutch and doubled over.

"Sorreh ah'm late," he wheezed, craning his neck to look up in a way that _must_ have been uncomfortable. "Yeh're Miss Isseur, yeh? Special delivery from middle o' nowhere?"

"Yep," she replied cheerfully. He withdrew his hand from her shoulder and offered it to her, which she took in a firm clasp of greeting. "You must be my academic advisor."

"Scotty," he replied, picking up her case and herding her off down one of the hallways. "Didn't get the memo you were arriving until a few minutes ago, sorry 'bout that. First port o' call is to get you into yehr new quarters, which, coincidentally, aren't too far from mine. Yeh'r in with the instructors rather than the students for reasons I'm no' privy to. Next is a meetin' with yeh'r personal physician – I've never seen them make such a fuss – an' finally I've been asked to show you to Admiral Shepard. Then we can go to the pub and you can tell me why you decided to switch from medic to engineering. We'll save the grand tour for tomorrow."

And like a tsunami, Kirian was swept up with the sprightly Scottsman. She was, indeed, located just down the hallway from his own quarters - "tha's mine" as they passed, "free to pop by if yeh ever need a beer" - in a petite little room with just enough room for a single bed and a desk. Off that was a small bathroom, and at the foot of her bed, a built in wardrobe.

It was roomier than even her upgraded quarters at the E.S.S. station. It was heaven.

They deposited her case and off they went to the campus hospital, where she was met by an elderly, stern-faced Doctor Swanson. Scotty was left in the waiting room and Kirian was herded down another series of hallways and into a private room. As soon as they were behind closed doors, however, the good Doctor's face split into a grin and his fingers twitched in excitement.

"I've been provided with a substantial amount of literature on your species, as well as signed a non-disclosure agreement and an agreement preventing specific tests from being run in-house – there were actually quite a lot of agreements specifying various things I am _not_ allowed to do, but that's beside the point, I am now your physician and I look forward to working with you!" The man fair gushed, fluttering about with his tricorder in the air.

Kirian beamed at him.

"Now let's get some base-line readings – I'd like to do this every few days to get a good picture of how your body operates – but I've been given _some_ tricorder readings by the House Alliance to give me an indication of what is normal for a woman of your age and fitness. I've run a comparative analysis to your equivalent human and they seem to match up, although your potassium and sodium levels are _far_ too high, but I have been assured that this is perfectly normal." There was a pause as he hummed at the tricorder.

Fortunately, she'd seen the information he'd been provided with. "So you know we've got the extra organs behind the kidneys," Kirian said. "We run a higher sodium content for them."

"Yes, so I gather, but I still don't know _why_ , I've been told they are strictly off-limits, you sure I couldn't take just a little _peek_ at them?" The plaintiveness in his voice made Kirian laugh.

"I can't let you know _all_ my secrets on the first date, can I?" she waggled her eyebrows and, oh, bless him, the lovely old man _blushed_. He did harrumph immediately afterwards.

"Oh all right. Now off with you, I've got my readings, you're to come back every other day for the next few weeks so I understand how your body fluctuates and then it'll just be standard physicals." Doctor Swanson tutted and shooed her out the door, where she was collected by Scotty and rushed off to Admiral Shepard's office.

"Dear Lord he wasn't even kidding," was the welcome from the good Admiral. Scotty blinked between the two and Kirian's face split into a fiendish grin.

" _Papa_ did say I was supposed to give you something _impressive_ to call him and complain about," she replied. The Admiral groaned and dropped his head in both hands.

"Isseur, don't make me regret this," he said as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No, sir, I certainly shan't," she said, straightening her back. The solemnity was spoiled by Admiral Shepard's wry grin and her twinkling eyes.

"Well, good to have you on board in any event, I trust Lieutenant Scott has shown you to your new residence?"

"Yes, sir," she replied. "It's quite roomy compared to my quarters on the E.S.S. station, thank you."

"Pulled a few strings. Don't take too many people back there," he warned. "And try to stay out of the faculty staff."

"Conflict of interest, already on my radar. Don't worry, I'm a _bit_ more sensible than _papa_."

"Thank all that is good in the world for small mercies. Now, off with you, I have more paperwork than I can shake a fist at, some of it relating to _you_." And with that they were shooed out once more into the halls of the rather swanky wing that housed the Admiralty offices.

"So _how_ exactly do you know Admiral Shepard?" Scotty ventured as they exited the building.

"Oh, _papa_ knew him from way back in the day." Occasionally wise, Scotty took the circumvention and instead introduced Kirian to the academy bar.


End file.
